When the Second (or Third) Baby Feels Even Harder
Our expert of the month, Rikki-lee from The Doula Pod shares her insights on postpartum with your second or third baby, why it can often feel harder than the first time around and how we can prepare.
We don’t talk about this nearly enough - having your second, third, or fourth baby can sometimes feel harder than the first.
Sure, there’s comfort in knowing the basics - you’ve been through pregnancy before, you understand what labour feels like, and caring for a newborn isn’t brand new territory. But juggling another baby while managing everyday family life brings its own brand of chaos - and it can take even the most experienced parents by surprise.
The Overlooked Parent
With your first baby, the world seems to rally around you. People drop off lasagnes, visitors show up with gifts, and everyone insists you take a shower while they hold the baby.
The second time around, that support often fades. The quiet assumption is that you’ve got this - you’ve done it before. But the truth? Your need for help hasn’t gone anywhere. In fact, it’s grown.
Meals don’t magically appear. Offers to babysit are fewer. Yet now you’re not just nurturing a newborn - you’re also trying to meet the needs of an older child who still needs their mum.
The Mental Load Doubles (At Least)
Caring for a baby is demanding enough. Add a toddler into the mix and suddenly you’re running a marathon without sleep.
“Sleep when the baby sleeps”? Not when your toddler is using the couch as a trampoline.
“Keep the house under control”? Double the toys, double the mess.
“Night feeds”? You’re feeding a newborn while silently praying the others stay asleep.
Life becomes louder, busier, and more relentless. And often, the mental and emotional weight falls squarely on the mother - even when partners are doing their best to share the load.
Why Preparation Matters More the Second Time
This is exactly why planning for postpartum support is even more important the second (or subsequent) time around. You might eventually find your rhythm, but your recovery, mental health, and family balance depend on what you set up during pregnancy.
Try these small but powerful steps:
Build your village - Reach out now. Can a friend or grandparent take your toddler for an afternoon each week? Could a postpartum doula or nanny lighten the load?
Plan for food - Fill the freezer, order nourishing ready-made meals, or create a meal train with friends. Even a stash of toddler snacks can save your sanity on tough days.
Outsource survival tasks - Grocery delivery, a cleaner, or occasional childcare for older kids isn’t indulgent - it’s essential.
A Gentle Reminder: You’re Still Human
Here’s the most important truth: you’re not meant to do it all. No one can perfectly manage a home, cook every meal, stay patient, and function on broken sleep.
Modern motherhood asks a lot of us - sometimes too much. So please, remind yourself often: you’re doing your best, and that really is enough.
You can find more in-depth information to prepare for your postpartum period in our Postpartum Preparation Guide - created by Rikki-Lee, Cathy Shortt, Midwife & Lactation Consultant, owner of Milk & Mums Co. and us here at The Whole Bowl Co.
$29 for 12 months access - video modules and an in depth workbook on a wide range of topics to get you prepared for life after birth.
Rikki is the owner of The Doula Pod. She is an experienced postpartum & birth doula as well as birth & postpartum educator.