A Letter to My Younger Self - Before Motherhood
Before becoming a mother, most of us have a version of ourselves who swears she’ll do things a certain way. We read the books, make the lists, build the routine in our heads - and believe that preparation equals peace.
But as Rikki-Lee, our expert postpartum doula from The Doula Pod, shares so beautifully below - motherhood rarely follows the script.
This heartfelt letter is for every mum learning to soften the rules she once thought were unbreakable. 💛
TITLE: GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION TO BREAK YOUR OWN RULES
Dear me;
You’d said this was the way you’d do it. You’d made your lists, read the books, listened to the podcasts. You believed that if you just held firm, things would stay tidy and predictable and routine.
Yet motherhood came in quietly and then all at once. My baby didn’t sleep the way the book said. The routine didn’t fit. You fed in ways you said you wouldn’t, used screens when you swore you wouldn’t, changed your mind on the things you thought were non-negotiable and you felt that familiar wave of guilt for breaking your own rules.
Here’s what I wish you’d known: it’s okay to pivot.
It’s okay to choose rest over rigidity, connection over consistency. Changing your mind doesn’t make you weak or inconsistent, it makes you human, responsive and believe it or not more attuned than you realise.
Motherhood will hand you a hundred versions of yourself. Some soft, some stubborn, all learning as you go. You’ll rewrite your own guidebook more times than you can count and each edit will bring you closer to what truly matters, a little human who feels loved and a mother who feels free to change her mind.
The world will tell you to “stay consistent.”
But your baby isn’t a theory and neither are you.
Please let yourself evolve. Let your rules stretch and breathe. Let love and exhaustion and instinct be your teachers.
And next time you catch yourself whispering “I said I’d never…” pause and remember, the only promise you ever needed to keep was to show up, to care, and to keep trying.
That’s more than enough. Give yourself permission to break your own rules xx
Motherhood isn’t about sticking to the plan - it’s about giving yourself permission to evolve with each new season.
If you loved Rikki’s reflections, you’ll find more of her wisdom inside our Postpartum Preparation Guide a self-paced online course created with Rikki, midwife & lactation consultant Cathy Shortt, and our co-founders at The Whole Bowl Co.
🎥 70+ minutes of expert-led videos
📘 A detailed 60-page workbook
💛 Practical tools for postpartum recovery, feeding, and self-care